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I need instant validation!

 
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gelb9
Casual Observer


Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 73
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 5:30 am    Post subject: I need instant validation! Reply with quote
I've written a short story. I'm curious as to what you all may think of it (considering most here are of the incredibly bright, well read and intellectual variety).. Would you mind giving it a stab? You can find it here: http://redgreendot.blogspot.com/2006/09/people-like-me.html I'm down for comments/criticism.. heck, it's the only way I'll get better.

I'm also interested in reading what anyone else has written so throw your links up here!

Part time strippers are also welcome! Wink

Oh, yeah, go easy on me.. it's a very VERY rough draft! THANKS!
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lordgreystoke422
Thor's Hammer


Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 1070
Location: Metairie(New Orleans)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Umm I would take the word phallic away from describing the desk... I understand what you are trying to evoke..but..it just doesn't work..I gotta go for a bit..will finish the rest later..so far..just one little petty criticism..
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gelb9
Casual Observer


Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 73
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey Thanks! Really appreciate it! Maybe you're right.. I didn't really think it came across the way I hoped. I'll rethink the description, definitely.
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stuart2004
The Order of Denderah


Joined: 09 Nov 2006
Posts: 2735
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I am at chapter 2 and I love it so far....
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gelb9
Casual Observer


Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 73
PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 2:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hi Stuart, thanks for reading!
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LesterG
The Order of Denderah


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 4267
Location: Missin' my Bad Ass buddy
PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
hey chicky,

I'm downright exhausted at the moment Wink I promise I'll check it out, let me get fully rested so I can give you a real analysis rather then a half ass tired ana...err you know Razz
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gelb9
Casual Observer


Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 73
PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 4:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey, no worries, but if you don't get to it you'll be stripped henceforth of your treasurer title! Nah, you're pretty good with the funds...
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gelb9
Casual Observer


Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Posts: 73
PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
What?! No more takers??!! Must I strip naked and dance a jig??!! Razz
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