Lonelygirl15

[FH14]

Okay, I feel very random right now, so I think I'll write an incredibly random fanfic.

(takes place before the recent capture of Bree, Daniel, and Jonas).

[The hotel - 1:45 PM]

BREE: I'm HUNGRY!!!

(People in the hotel turn and stare at her. Bree takes out P Monkey and begins playing with him. Daniel smacks himself it the forehead as everyone slowly edges away from them)

JONAS: Bree, what have we told you again and again?

BREE: It's okay that you and Daniel lie in bed together?

DANIEL: WTF! No! Have you been reading the forum posts again?

BREE: (nods enthusiastically)

JONAS: Don't draw attention to yourself.

RANDOM GIRL: OMG! It's Jonas!

All of the sudden, and entire herd of Jonas fangirls emerge from the shadows. All of them have souless blue eyes and are drooling.

JONAS: Crap. (runs)

[Jonas' House 1:45]

A woman with dark hair and sunglasses fumbles with a file sitting on the coffee table. (OPAPHID)

LUCY: Have you found-

OPAPHID: No.

LUCY: I'll take Gemma and look upstairs.

(scene cuts to a rather disturbing sight. Apparently, brother had decapitated Gemma to make sure she was dead. But he underestimated the power of Oppy! Gemma remained alive! One of those creepy floating heads in a jar!)

GEMMA: (angry) First he doesn't call, then he tips off Bree. And if that weren't enough, he decapitates me!

LUCY: shut up! (she glances nervously at OPPY, but she doesn't pay any attention.

[Daniel's House 1:45 pm]

PAUL: I haven't seen Daniel in three months!

ANDREA: I wonder why it took us so long to realize he was gone.

(they knock on the door)

DANIEL's MOM: (drunk) hello (passes out on the walkway.)

ANDREA: Ewww! She's drooling on my shoe!

While Andrea's crying over her shoe, Paul notices the coffee table that has been chucked as Daniel's Mom's head. He looks up and sees a girl with long, curly brown hair.

CASSIE: I'm watching. (starts humming her own theme music and does the electric slide past a stunned Paul and a histerical Andera.)

PAUL: Now I remember why I don't come over anymore...

(I'll update later. I'm having fun with this.)
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[FH14]

[Wendy's, 2:00 pm]

BREE: I don't know what to get? What about you P Monkey?

(Daniel smacks himself again. Just like in the hotel, everyone edges away from Bree. Jonas is hiding behind a plant, frightened of the fangirls).

(A girl with short brown hair enters. She squeals.)

GIRL: Jonas! I found you!

(Jonas starts to run, believing she is one of his fangirls. But Daniel Recognizes her.)

DANIEL: Hey, you're Carla right? From the Party?

CARLA: Jonas! Let's go! I have a hotel room ready and waiting!

(Jonas has hidden himself under a table, scared for his life. Sitting at the table are the cowboy and another watcher. No one notices them because they cleverly disguised themselves my drawing fake moustaches with magic marker on their face.)

DANIEL: If he's not willing, maybe you and I could-

CARLA: Look at the time! I gotta go! I just realized I always wanted to visit New York! (Zooms off to buy a plane ticket.)

DANIEL: Why?!

BREE: Awww. Does Daniel need a hug? (Has Owen give Daniel a hug. Daniel starts crying).
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[chershaytoute]

FH14, this is hilarious!!
_________________
Diane, or cher, or even chershaytoute, but "Hey, you!" works, too...

WWggD - let's make the Breeniverse a better place to live...

Thanks to giddeanx for the coolest personal glue stick ever!

[voyboy]

Im entertained

_________________
Dreams from the Breenaverse
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=90CB4AF3668E4366

[FH14]

Thanks. Here's more...

[Jonas' House - 2:00 pm]

(Oppy and Lucy freeze (Gemma doesn't have a choice) When the doorbell rings)

OPPY: (Opening the door) Hello?

RANDOM GIRL (The one played by Katharine McPhee.): Hello? Is Jonas Here?

OPPY: I'm Sorry, he's not available... he, um, moved to Canada.

RANDOM GIRL (frowning): Well, If you see him, tell him that I lied about who I was. I'm not Jane, a simple farm girl. I'm actually American Idol Finalist Katharine McPhee!

LUCY: KATHARINE MCPHEE! (Drops Gemma. Luckily the jar doesn't break. Gemma begins swearing.) I love you! I totally got the McPheever last Season! I voted for you all the time!

OPPY: (annoyed) Great.

KM: I just stopped by to tell Jonas that I wanted him to be my boyfriend, but since he's not around, I guess I'll go back to LA...

LUCY: Wait! I'll become a lesbian! You can date ME! (eye twitches)

KM (very creeped out): No Thank you. (Runs away)

OPPY: What is wrong with you?

LUCY: (realizing what she just did) What can I say? American Idol is almost as important as the Ord- (stops herself. Oppy glares.)

OPPY: Just go and find the file! (muttering to herself) No wonder so many people escape!

[Daniel's House - 2:00 pm]

(Andrea stops crying, and realizes that Paul is no longer standing next to her. She goes inside to see Paul tending two Daniel's stoned, drunk, and Coffee-Table abused parents).

ANDREA: Are they alive?

PAUL: Are you kidding? If there was a nuclear disaster. They, cockroaches, and Cher would be the only things left.

ANDREA: Point taken. What's that?

(Andrea motions towards a nearby desk. On it are pictures of Bree, Daniel, Jonas, Nikki Bower, and two other people that no one recognizes (One a boy and the other a girl. Three guesses to who they are), a laptop with a website for "Hymn One" Open, and A pile of original Nancy Drew Books.)

PAUL: OMG. This stuff must belong to the order! Great Work Andrea!

ANDREA: Huh? Oh that stuff. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. (Andrea pretends not to stare at the "Purple Monkey" pez dispenser sitting on the desk as well).

[Jonas's cabin - 2:00 pm]

NIKKI B: (taking to the Video Camera in her hand) Nikki B here! I've found Jonas' Cabin. Let's see if there's anything inside.

(She quietly enters the house, suprised that the door is unlocked. She hears noises upstairs, and goes to investigate.)

NIKKI B: Hello?

(A girl appears, a confused expression on her face.)

GIRL: Where am I?

NIKKI B: Who are you?

GIRL: My name is Sonia. The last thing I remember was going to Alex's Party.

NIKKI B: Alex? As in the aunt of Jonas?

SONIA: I Guess. After that it was al a blur. Though I'm pretty sure I had some vodka, a couple of glasses of champagne, and at least 4 margaritas.

NIKKI B: (turning to the camera) I'll be right back. I have to get to the bottom of this. What is Sonia doing here? Where's Carl, the guy she was talking to in Jonas' Video? And how could any human survive after consuming that much alcohol?

SONIA: Wait! I just remembered! I think I hit someone with my car!

NIKKI B: What?

SONIA: Nevermind. That was last night's episode of CSI.
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[chershaytoute]

Keep 'em comin'! <nodding happily>
_________________
Diane, or cher, or even chershaytoute, but "Hey, you!" works, too...

WWggD - let's make the Breeniverse a better place to live...

Thanks to giddeanx for the coolest personal glue stick ever!

[FH14]

[The hotel room - 2:15 PM]

BREE: I love the Super Value Menu! Don't you P Monkey?

DANIEL: You're talking to a puppet!

BREE: (holding P Monkey's "ears") You're Mean!

DANIEL: (sighing) Where's Jonas?

BREE: I dunno. Owen? Have you seen Jonas?

(Daniel eyes the hotel balcony, but decides to just block Bree out).

[Hotel Lobby - 2:15 PM]

JONAS: Nooo!!!

FANGIRL #1: Yesss!!!

FANGIRL #2: We finally got you!

FANGIRL #3: What Should We do with him?

FANGIRL #1: Yesss!!!

FANGIRL #4: Shutup!

FANGIRL #5: Seriously!

FANGIRL #3: Seriously Guys, what are we going to do now?

FANGIRL #2: I dunno.

FANGIRL #5: Me neither.

FANGIRL #1: Yesss!!!

FANGIRL #4: Shutup! Listen up. I say we take him to our leader!

(Fangirl #1 stops, Fangirl #3 looks confused, Fangirls #2 and #5 exchange disappointed glances.)

FANGIRL #2: Do we have to?

FANGIRL #4: Yes!

JONAS: (staring at Fangirl #4): Wait! I know you! You're-

[Jonas' House - 2:15]

OPPY: (standing outside the door and talking to her watch) Status.

GEMMA's VOICE: It's DARK in HERE!... wait... AHHH!!!

OPPY: (alarmed) What?!?

GEMMA: I hate this stupid religion! We HAVE to use candles instead of Flashlights, because everyone knows that Flashlights are EVIL.

OPPY: (annoyed) Huh? (Sees smoke) CRAP!

[Los Angeles - 2:15 PM]

(Katharine McPhee managed to get back to Los Angeles in under 15 minutes. She is in the studio, awaiting her designer to come help her with her outfit)

KM: There you are!

(Enter Aunt Alex!)

ALEX: Sorry I'm late. I- (beeper goes off. The words "HOLY CRAP THE THING IS ON FIRE" Flash across it)

KM: Wha?

ALEX: Nothing! (Goes on to help her choose an outfit)
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[chershaytoute]

I do hope Gemma's fishbowl doesn't boil over...

This is fun!
_________________
Diane, or cher, or even chershaytoute, but "Hey, you!" works, too...

WWggD - let's make the Breeniverse a better place to live...

Thanks to giddeanx for the coolest personal glue stick ever!

[FH14]

Last update for a while...

[Daniel's House - 2:15 PM]

(Andrea realizes that she has spaced out again and Paul is no longer in the room. She turns and sees Cassie.)

ANDREA: WTF! Who are you?

CASSIE: I'm Watching!

ANDREA: Okay... 'Watching' what are you doing here?

CASSIE: I'm Watching! (Does her theme music again)

ANDREA: (disturbed and backing away towards the door) Okay...

CASSIE: (having the rather frightening smile you see in Horror Movies) You're Friend is watching too.

(Andrea feels something sticky in her hair. She wipes some of it off. Her eyes widen when she sees it's red. She turns around and screams.)

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Do You really want to read the next part?
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Are you Sure?
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It's Scary
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And Unpleasant
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Okay, you asked for it.
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(Paul is standing behind her, eating a popcicle made out of Tomato Juice. He is wearing a combination of Tangerine and various shades of Pink)

...Told ya it was frightening and disturbing!

[Jonas's Cabin - 2:15 PM]

NIKKI B: Nikki B. Here! I just had a chat with Sonia! And I made wings! (shows off her culinary skill.)

SONIA: Umm, Excuse Me-

NIKKI B: You'll get your turn! (turning back to camera) first you take the wings and-

SONIA: Nikki!

NIKKI B: Fine! (Throws flawing hot wings and Sonia, she screams at the 3rd-degree burns and begind writhing in Pain on the floor. Nikki ignores her and talks to the camera.) Sonia and Carl are engaged. Carl is the brother of David, who dated Alex for a year. They broke up under mysterious circumstances.

SONIA: (Recovering from Burns) Actually, she was making out with-

NIKKI B: SHUTUP! Anyway, I gotta go and do some more investigative journalism! This is Nikki B, Signing off! (Does a salute).

(I Words "JONAS IS HOT AND NEEDS TO TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT" Flash across the screen.)
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[consideration]

Paul sooo should have been drinking an Orange Slurpee!

[FH14]

Okay, update! So much has happened: Oppy, Tach, and Brother are gone, "The New Girl", and Alex's 2nd betrayal.

Sorry, but this chapter is a bit info-plot filled with not as much humor. This fic actually has a plot! I decided to made it somewhat serious, yet not serious, at the same time... 'Structured humor' Maybe?

[Daniel's House - 2:30 PM]

ANDREA: (Recovering) What the Hell are you doing?!

PAUL: (Sheepish Grin) Sorry, I got hungry.

ANDREA: Okay.... Why a tomato popcycle?

PAUL: I dunno. I wanted to be different. (Turns to Cassie) By the way, here's that drink you wanted!

(Paul hands Cassie an Orange Smoothie. Cassie grins and begins drinking it. Andrea looks Annoyed)

ANDREA: And your clothes?

PAUL: I wanted to be colorful!

ANDREA: Why Me? (turns away from them) Okay Andrea, focus. Paul is no longer the brains here, so I guess I'll have to be. (Turns to the desk. The pictures of Bree, Daniel, Jonas, Nikki B., Tachyon, and Brother are sitting on top of a stack of files. Next to them is a sticky note reading "Note to Self: File Pictures" Andrea takes the stack of files, walks over to the couch, and sits on Daniel's Parents while Paul and Cassie stare creepily at each other.)

Andrea feels her blood run cold as she goes through the files...

SUBJECT: Bree
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Questionable
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Daniel
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Jonas
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Nikki B.
LOCATION: Unknown
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Tachyon
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Deceased

SUBJECT: Brother
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Deceased

SUBJECT: Alex
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Ally, though Questionable
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Gemma
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Questionable
STATUS: Semi-Alive

SUBJECT: Lucy
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Ally
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: OpAphid
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Ally
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Jules
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Ally
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Taylor
LOCATION: Unknown
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Andrea

(Andrea stops breathing)

LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Unknown
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Paul
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Unknown
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Cassie
LOCATION: Unknown
AFFILIATION: Unknown
STATUS: Unknown

SUBJECT: Bree's Dad
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Enemy
STATUS: Deceased

SUBJECT: Bree's Mom
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Ally
STATUS: Alive

SUBJECT: Katharine McPhee
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: None
STATUS: Alive

As Andrea read more and more files, she became more and more frightened. It was 'Stars are Blind' all over again!

But then...

SUBJECT: Parents of Daniel
LOCATION: Known
AFFILIATION: Allies, Assassins
STATUS: Alive, but not Sober

ANDREA: (Turning to Paul and Cassie) Guys!

[2:30 PM - Site of Jonas's House]

The fire department arrived too late to save the house. No one knew if anyone was inside, whether Bruce Wayne wannabee Jonas perished or not.

Nobody noticed the shadowed figure on the dark side of the rubble pick up some sort of container and melt into the trees.

Then the container spoke.

GEMMA: Who the bloody hell are you?

SHADOW: Your boss.

GEMMA: Oppy?

SHADOW: I'm sorry, your little friend OpAphid had a little... "accident".

GEMMA: (somewhat frightened) And Lucy?

SHADOW: Don't Know, don't care.

GEMMA: Soo... what's going to happen now?

SHADOW: Taking Care of a few traitors.

[Fangirl Hotel Room - 2:30]

FANGIRL #4: (speaking to Shadow over a video communicator.) We have Jonas as requested.

SHADOW: What are you talking about? I asked for Bree! Seriously, your obsession over Jonas is almost as creepy as that of Lucy's regarding Katharine McPhee.

FANGIRL #4: Sorry.

SHADOW: Where are the others? (Fangirls 1 and 3 emerge from the shadows carrying a tied up Jonas. Fangirl 5 follows, warily eyeing the TV Monitor.)

SHADOW: Where's Debbie? (#2)

FANGIRL #4: I dunno.

FANGIRL #3: She said something about going to Taco Bell.

SHADOW: (Angrily) I hope she gets Ecoli! Now, you know what you have to do... Nancy Drew.

FANGIRL #4/Nancy Drew: Yes Leader.

SHADOW: Good.

FANGIRL #1/Bess: I want shoes.

FANGIRL #3/George: Why me?

SHADOW: Shut up!

[2:30 PM - Hotel Lobby]

BREE: Hello Mister! Have you seen P. Monkey?

RANDOM GUY: You mean that puppet? Yeah, actually, I saw it leaving the hotel.

DANIEL: You mean, you saw someone take it out of the Hotel... right?

RANDOM GUY: No, it went by itself...

[Woods by Jonas's House - 2:31 PM]

GEMMA: By the way, who are you?

SHADOW: Call Me P. Monkey.
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[nicole_x]

This is freaking hilarious!

Keep em coming FH14!

[CRYISME]

Awesome!! Keep them comming please!!
_________________
THE FACTION: LG15 Defense Force
STATUS: Vice President & Feather Fan Holder in the Secret Society of Jonas Fans
The Offical Getter Backer of Kari's Laser Gun
Bree Daniel Jonas Sarah Taylor

[FH14]

UPDATE - with new characters and humor with a stupid plot! I've added a plot device I call, "Family Guy Flashes", where we get a really random scene switch.

[Taylor's House - 2:45 PM]

TAYLOR: Mommmm!!!

TAYMOM: Sorry Stupi-... Sweetie, but Sammy must di-... never see you again.

TAYDAD: It's for your own good!

TAYLOR: Why?

TAYMOM: Soccer.

TAYLOR: (is really angry) I hate you. (Taylor pushes her parents out the window of the second floor. Miraculously, they survive, but, dizzy, they wander out into the street and get hit by Peter Petrelli's car on his way to Odessa to save the cheerleader.)

SARAH: Cool! Now we can go to that party!

TAYLOR: It's not going to be like the last one is it?

[Ross from 'Friends' is sitting on the couch. Taylor and Sarah are siiting next to him.]

ROSS: I have no Friends! (Sobs)

SARAH: (whispering to Taylor) I think we're at the wrong apartment.

SARAH: No! This one'll be Emo!

TAYLOR: Joy!

[Julia's House - 2:30 PM]

[Is sitting at her computer, staring at the comments on her youtube account]

JULES: Who do these commenters think they are! crapauds gluants! No Matter! They will soon see my power! Et j'écraserai leurs esprits faibles! BWAH HAH HA!

[Turns on Webcam]

JULES: Bonjour chiennes! I hope you all brûlure dans l'enfer! That is French for: Hi Everyone! I hope you all know how much I love you! [Gives a creepy smile] Today, I'm going to show you something that I do that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! It's called Sacrificing a human! Or as the French call it: Vous plaçant tout sur le feu et vous observant brûler!

JULES' MOM: Julia! Have you slaughtered the prisoner yet?

JULES: (sweetly) In a minute mom!

JULES' MOM: Okay!

JULES: Ah. This reminds me of my birthday!

JULES' MOM: I wonder what's on this tape?

[Puts the tape in. The killer videotape from 'The Ring' plays]

JULES' MOM: Oh. It's Julia's birth? Now why did I label that Mother's Funeral?

JULES: (Grinning at the camera) Let the Ceremony begin!
_________________
Guess What? I'm the head of my own part of the order. It's called "WWTB" or "What's with the Boa?"

[betz28]

hehe! love em!
_________________
http://www.youtube.com/betz28