I Lost It

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Episode 418/3x008
I Lost It

I'm a big fat jerk.

Blogger Jonas
Date Posted February 19th, 2008
URL youtube.com
Forum 16217|3=lg15}}
Length 3:17
Description Is there anything to say after the way I acted on Saturday?
Location(s) Rented Cabin at Big Bear Lake
YouTube Tags lonelygirl15 lg15 Lost It jonaskto danielbeast emma
Production Credits
Executive Producer(s) Miles Beckett, Greg Goodfried, and Amanda Goodfried
Series Producer(s) Amanda Goodfried
Director(s) Marcello Daciano
Camera Kevin Schlanser
Vidplay Jake Coburn and Ben Kruger
Story Jake Coburn and Ben Kruger
Editor(s) Matt Vanselow
Music Supervisor Seth Jacobs
Jonas Jackson Davis
Daniel Yousef Abu-Taleb
Adjacent Blogs
Previous "Things Fall Apart"
Next "Cat Fight!"
Previous by Jonas "Up All Night"
Next by Jonas "Born to Run"

I Lost It is the four-hundred eighteenth video in the lonelygirl15 video series. It is also the eighth video of season three.


(Jonas is in a bedroom of the cabin. He opens the drawer of the nightstand to the right of the bed and searches through the contents. He then goes to the left nightstand and searches through it as well. He throws a few books on the floor and pushes pillows off the bed.)

Jonas: When I found out that Emma had left, I lost it.

(Cut to Jonas on his laptop, talking on the phone, in the living room.)

I'm calling, uh, about a girl. She's probably about 14-15 years old, she's got- she's got, like, brown hair...

I must have called every taxi service and train station within a hundred miles. You know, maybe if Emma had left a lead, a clue, but... it- there j- there wasn't anything. (Daniel avoids eye contact with Jonas as he walks through the room) Finally I had to accept that Emma was gone and the people who were still here with me, well, they hated my guts.

(Cut to Jonas outside.)

Well, here I am. (nods) I can't get Friday out of my head. The way I acted... the things I said... I've watched that video over and over and over again, and it's like I'm staring at a different person. You know? The things that I said to Jennie and Daniel are just-- (laughs) I wish I could apologize, but I don't think that they will talk to me right now.

Look, it's just that... When I first found out that Emma was gone - that she left - I felt left behind again. You know, abandoned. It just all came back to me. You know, it was like I was a kid again; waiting for my parents to come home, and knowing that they never were gonna. And then I lost it. I just- (snaps his fingers) snapped. I attacked the only people that, in my entire life, have stuck by me. The only people. But you know what? At least they're still here; they're still at the cabin. And I would rather have friends who hate me that are here than to be by myself.

And Emma, if you're watching this, I want you to know that I understand why you left. Well, actually I don't understand, but I trust your instincts and I'm proud of you for how tough you are. You know, it kind of reminds me of, uh, well, me, I guess. Emma, I realize it wasn't my place to stop you from leaving. You know, you can't hold someone against their will. And nobody knows that better than Gina, right?


  • This video is reminiscent of Jonas's hotel room scene in the video I'm Done posted after Bree's death.
  • The summary has a typo, claiming Jonas's previous actions took place on Saturday. However, the events of the last video reportedly took place immediately following Emma leaving (Friday). This typo possibly resulted from the fact that the previous video was actually uploaded Saturday.
    • Note: This typo has since been fixed on the YouTube description. It remains in the description on lg15.com.
  • The contents of the bedside drawers include a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, an ashtray, a postcard, books entitled "Tips From the Top" and "Sport Fishing USA", a Field & Stream magazine, and a National Geographic magazine. (Jonas had given National Geographic magazines to Bree for Christmas.)
  • Jonas appears to be sitting near the shore of the lake.
  • There are children heard in the background (they were later shown in this picture from behind the scenes).
  • Jonas may have some kind of bi-polar disorder, seeing the fact that this is not the first show of rapid emotional changes with him.