Tour de France

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Episode 289/2x134
Tour de France

Pardon me... catbags?

Blogger Lauren
Date Posted June 21st, 2008
Forum 794|3=lg15}}
Length 5:48
Description We're out in Paris and have made contact with Julia and we've already lost Toe and Steve! Can you help us?
Location(s) Paris
YouTube Tags KateModern LG15 lonelygirl15 Lauren
Production Credits
Executive Producer(s) Miles Beckett and Greg Goodfried
Co-Executive Producer(s) Joanna Shields and Amanda Goodfried
On-Set Producer Louis Figgis
Line Producer Kelly Brett
Production Co-Ordinator Claire Finbow and Elisabeth Pinto
Interactive Co-ordinator(s) Jonathan Almond
Production Runner(s) Meryl Iona Edwards
Director(s) Yusuf Pirhasan
Head Writer Luke Hyams
Vidplay Neil Mossey
Story Luke Hyams, Neil Mossey, and Lawrence Tallis
Editor(s) Matthew Hart and Zan Barberton
Charlie Tara Rushton
Lauren Emma Pollard
Anthony Andy Donovan
Steve Giles Alderson
Security guard John Palmer
Adjacent Blogs
Previous "Love on the 436"
Next "Operation: Rescue Jools"
Previous by Lauren "Her Indoors"
Directly after "KateModern S2 Week 23 Recap"

Tour de France is the two-hundred eighty-ninth webisode in the KateModern video series. It is also the one-hundred thirty-fourth video of season two.


Text: KateModern contains products which have been included within the show on behalf of Toyota

Anthony: Alright Lee, you bad ming. Here's one of your blogging things, lad. Right. You, mate, our mission. Some beautiful sights here. (Turns the camera to Lauren as she looks at a map with Charlie. Zooms in on Lauren's butt.) So that, there, the Aygo; that got us all the way here. Driven by that. (Zooms in on Charlie.) Her. And we also have the spare part that we didn't need. (Pans to Steve.) That! Him! But it's all alright, because of them. (Pans to Lauren's legs.)

(Cut to Charlie picking up the map.)

Charlie: Come on, you. We're off. (Lauren folds the map, following Charlie.) Let's do it.

Steve: Are you gonna be filming the whole time?

(Steve stares at Anthony. Anthony follows Lauren with the camera and walks into a tree. Cut to the K-Team walking through an open air market. Anthony stops in front of an escargot display and turns the camera on himself.)

Anthony: Hey, Lee, remember when I used to make you eat them snails out the park? (Laughs.)

(Cut to the Lauren, Steve, and Charlie walking down a street.)

Charlie: So we just got an email, which we think is from Julia.

Steve: We can't know that for sure, but at least Terrence is out of the picture.

Lauren: Yeah. Do you reckon The Order's more pissed off at him than me? They could have done us instead of Terrence last night. (Anthony pans down to Lauren's butt.) Oh, Toerag, knock it off.

Anthony: Aw, Lee. I can't believe you haven't tapped that yet, Lee.

Lauren: (Pulls the camera up.) This is serious.

(Lauren hits the camera, causing Anthony to drop it. Cut to Anthony picking up the camera in a black and white shot and tapping on it. He frowns at the camera. Cut to Anthony following the three to Avenue de New York near the Flame of Liberty.)

Charlie: Is the camera still working?

Anthony: Yeah.

Steve: So it's not broken then?

Anthony: No.

(The shot flickers several times as Anthony zooms in on the Eiffel Tower.)

Anthony: Yeah, Lee, here we are.

Lauren: So this is the place in the email.

Charlie: I assume that she meant on top of the tunnel though.

Anthony: This is where Diana got whacked! It's creepy.

Charlie: I just don't know how Jules is gonna be able to get away to meet us here.

Lauren: We could do with some more bodies. Too many weirdos out here, isn't it Steve?

Steve: I've moved on!

Lauren: Aww, do you miss The Celestial Network?

(Anthony zooms in on Julia's bodyguard standing near the Flame of Liberty.)

Anthony: Aye, aye! There's matey-boy over there. Look, just over there. Time's come to sort this twat out right now.

(Cut to Lauren, Steve, and Charlie hiding in a doorway.)

Anthony: What are yous doing hiding there as if he's not gonna see ya? (Hands the camera to Lauren.) Hold this.

(Lauren raises the camera to watch Anthony walking toward the bodyguard.)

Steve: Where's he going?

Charlie: What the hell is he doing?

(The three run down the street and hide behind a car.)

Steve: Go. Go!

(Cut to Anthony greeting Julia's bodyguard.)

Steve: No way!

Charlie: Can you make out what they're saying?

Lauren: I dunno.

Steve: Maybe we should get back. Get over that bridge.

Lauren: No, Steve.

(The bodyguard walks away and Anthony follows him.)

Charlie: What the hell? He's not!

Lauren: What's he doing?

Charlie: He's go- he's going with him!

Lauren: Come on.

Charlie: R-really?

Lauren: Yeah, come on!

(Lauren runs to the street corner, watching Anthony from behind a metro station entrance.)

Steve: This is ridiculous. What's he doing?

(Cut to Lauren running down a sidewalk following Anthony.)

Steve: Lauren!

(Lauren stops behind a van and watches as Anthony follows the bodyguard into a bar named Chez Chicek.)

Charlie: Just wait.

(The camera zooms in as the security guard leaves.)

Lauren: Is he taking a piss?

Charlie: Just give it a minute.

Steve: We don't even know where we are.

Lauren: Sod that!

(Lauren runs to the bar and enters. Several people are inside.)

Lauren: 'Scuse me? Has anyone seen Toe? Toe? Man... English!

(Cut to the bartender telling Charlie to get out.)

Charlie: The other guy. We can't lose him.

Steve: Quick, let's go.

(Steve ducks outside and runs after the bodyguard. Charlie and Lauren follow behind.)

Charlie: Can you give him a call? See if his phone's on?

Lauren: Yeah, I didn't take his number, did I?

(Cut to Steve stopped at a corner, motioning for the girls to stop. He leads the way closer, seeing the bodyguard talking on a pay phone. The bodyguard hangs up and leaves. Lauren pans to Steve.)

Steve: Okay. I'll see where he's going. (Runs after the bodyguard.)

Charlie: Steve!

(Cut to Charlie walking after Steve.)

Charlie: What the hell?

(Lauren runs toward the pay phone.)

Charlie: Where are you going?

(Cut to Lauren opening the phone booth.)

Lauren: What am I doing?

Charlie: Is there a redial button?

Lauren: Got it.

Charlie: Hang on, I've got some coins. I've got some coins.

(Charlie presses the redial button and holds the receiver to her ear.)

Charlie: Hang up. I'll put it up so you can hear. (A phone on the other end rings.) It's ringing.

Julia: Bonjour?

Charlie: Hello?

Julia: Hel-hello?

Charlie: Jules?

Lauren: It's Jules!

Charlie: Y-yeah, Jules!

Julia: Sorry, I'm...

Lauren: Jules!

Charlie: Shh!

Charlie: Jules! Yeah, i-it's us! It's me! It's Charlie! Are you okay?

Julia: Are you looking for some... catbags?

Charlie: Jules, we went to where you told us to meet you today!

Julia: Um... uh... Someone's catbags?

Charlie: Jules, where are you? We're in Paris; we're in Paris! Where do you- where do you want us to go?

Julia: I- I'm terribly sorry, there's no one that lives here by that name. Thank you. Goodbye.

Charlie: Jules?

(A dial tone is heard.)

Charlie: Jules? (Hangs up the phone.) She just hung up. Maybe she didn't hear us properly. What the hell?

(Jules and Lauren step out of the phone booth. Cut to Charlie walking back to the car.)

Charlie: She thought it was cadbags or cabbags. Maybe she couldn't hear us properly.

Lauren: Maybe it's a code? (Turns the camera on herself.) Can you work out what she said or why? Might be some kind of code word you can help us out with? (Pans back to Charlie.)

Charlie: Toe, Steve, if you're out there, we don't know whether to stay here and wait for you or drive around looking for you. (Shrugs and unlocks the car.)


  • Julia's clue "CATBAGS" was an anagram for the website Fans discovered Julia's account, where she left the following message for her friends:
Julia said:
Hi, it's me Jules. Look, the only time I'm going to be able to get away from Rupert is at the party he's holding to unveil Michelle Clore's last work. It's going to be at a private collector's house around the corner from The Louvre. I'm gonna make a run for it when he does his speech. Please be there ready. Thank you so much. Kay guys, I love you.