Owen's Still so Angry
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|Owen's Still so Angry|
|Date Posted||September 30th, 2006|
|YouTube Tags||lg15 lonelygirl15 purple monkey ranting turtle|
|Previous||"Purple Monkey Jumps the Shark"|
(Owen sits on a bed with a gray quilt on it.)
Owen: Hi, everybody! It's me, Owen! I wanted to talk to you today because I noticed that Purple Monkey has made another video. In this one, he speaks from the back of a shark. How very novel of him. I find it to be yet another desperate attempt by Purple Monkey to get attention for other people's work. I noticed that in this video, he said that the LonesomeOctober videos will not be continuing. I find that hard to believe, since I am, myself, participating in one at this very moment. This is just one more suggestion that Purple Monkey is full of sh**.
Now, if you don't believe me, let me examine some of the facts of the case. First, I'd like to question his motivation in this. Why would Purple Monkey stop making these videos? He's a puppet, and puppets are by their very nature extremely needy personalities. Unlike well-adjusted plush animals like myself, puppets rely on the presence of others to make their lives have meaning. For Purple Monkey to relinquish his role in a public forum such as this goes completely against the nature of a puppet.
Secondly, I'd like you to take a closer look at the gentleman to whom the Purple Monkey videos have been attributed, Christian Haunton. If you look at the videos in which he appears, he seems to be somewhat lumpy and waxen. This is because he is, in fact, a poorly constructed monkuppet, which Purple Monkey, and some renegade monkeys who have flocked to his cause, operate, for the sake of obfuscating the truth behind the lonelygirl15 phenomenon.
Now I hear some of you saying, "Wait a minute, Owen. Isn't it true that you said that Purple Monkey's first press conference was a total fabrication, and therefore, that monkuppets wouldn't exist anyway?" That is a valid critique, to which I reply, fu** me! You're listening to a talking plush turtle right now, so logic is pretty much out the window at this point. But I digress.
I wanted to speak to you specifically today about some troubling new developments in Bree's life; mainly, that Daniel seems to have gone bat-sh**! I mean, I understand that he claims to care about Bree a great deal, and that he may be concerned about her, but he seems to be behaving less like a good friend, and more like a crazy stalker. And good friends and stalkers are almost never the same people.
Daniel, I know you have your reservations and your concerns, and I'm sure you have your questions, too. But you know what I have? A tire iron! And I will f**k you up if you mess with Bree! So as long as we're straight on that, let's be friends, but friends who never see each other or speak to each other, all right?
Thank you for your time.