Exploring Myself

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Episode 29/1x029
Exploring Myself

Perhaps it's time I questioned my sexual orientation.

Blogger Rachel
Date Posted January 21st, 2008
URL youtube.com
Length 2:31
Description I suppose that right now is as good a time as any to get this off my chest... especially in light of recent events.
YouTube Tags redearth redearth88 rachel maddisonatkins lonelygirl15 bree danielbeast jonastko alyzarin tachyon opaphid 10033 normal
Rachel Sara E. R. Fletcher
Adjacent Blogs
Previous "How Could THIS Happen?"
Next "About Last Night"
Directly after "I've got mail"

Exploring Myself is the twenty-ninth video in the Redearth88 video series.


Rachel: So I think I overreacted the other day. And, for the record, I don't want Aly to move out. It's just that the other night brought up some things that I try not to think about. See, as far back as I can remember, I've always just felt... different than everyone else. Maybe it's because I was always a bit of a tomboy. I wasn't quite like other girls, but it didn't really get in the way of me making friends. That is, up until Junior High. Over the summer between sixth and seventh grade, everything changed. Only, it changed for everybody else, except for me I guess. And almost immediately everybody started pointing out how... different I was. And it got meaner and meaner until everyday I was getting into fights at school. Being different wasn't a good thing. Finally, it got to the point where I felt like I didn't have any other options except to be what was considered normal. But for the past few years, I feel like I've just been... acting normal, and that different feeling has never really gone away. And I guess I've just been... afraid to explore the reasons why. Granted, where I'm from being a vegetarian is considered an alternative lifestyle. So when it comes to something as controversial as my sexual orientation, I never allowed myself to think there was anything but one option. But deep down, I always wondered if that's why I felt so different. So, the other night, when I noticed how Aly was looking at me, it dawned on me that I'm at a place in my life where I have the freedom to question things. And it was like all this fear and anxiety about the unknown... hit me all at once. And it really freaked me out. Maybe I should see if Aly wants to go out to dinner tomorrow night. In fact, I feel really awful about how I've been avoiding her these past few days.

(Image of a red vial labeled redearth88 and a voice saying, "Redearth, the universe is wider than our views of it.")


  • According to LG15 Today, Glenn Rubenstein has said on his BreeFM show that in writing the script for this episode, he wanted to avoid the same pitfalls that faced Mesh Flinders in writing the LG15 video Poor Pluto. The LG15 Today report on Glenn's statements indicates that on the radio show, Glenn explained that if an episode that's so personally-revealing about a character is well written, it's "painfully awkward" to watch. However, if the episode is "poorly written," it becomes "laughable" to watch. LG15 Today reports that "Glenn wanted neither of those. He wanted the video to be honest, but not hard to watch."[1]