The Naked Truth

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Episode 267/2x112
The Naked Truth

Take your shirt off Steve!

Blogger Steve
Date Posted May 22nd, 2008
Forum 755|3=lg15}}
Length 5:56
Description The first meeting of the Celestial Network didn't quite go as planned.
Location(s) Celestial Network HQ
YouTube Tags KateModern LG15 lonelygirl15 Steve
Production Credits
Executive Producer(s) Miles Beckett and Greg Goodfried
Co-Executive Producer(s) Joanna Shields and Amanda Goodfried
On-Set Producer Louis Figgis
Line Producer Kelly Brett
Production Co-Ordinator Claire Finbow
Interactive Co-ordinator(s) Jonathan Almond
Production Runner(s) Meryl Iona Edwards
Director(s) Yusuf Pirhasan
Head Writer Luke Hyams
Vidplay Lawrence Tallis
Story Luke Hyams, Neil Mossey, and Lawrence Tallis
Editor(s) John Palmer
Steve Giles Alderson
Gavin Ralf Little
Balthazar Louis Figgis
Jeremy Yusuf Pirhasan
Meryl Meryl Iona Edwards
Celestial Network member Karren Lu
Sofina Shuo Zhang
Adjacent Blogs
Previous "Straight To The Top"
Next "Back on Brick Lane"
Previous by Steve "The Dinner Party"

The Naked Truth is the two-hundred sixty-seventh webisode in the KateModern video series. It is also the one-hundred twelfth video of season two.


(Jeremy polishes the camera lens.)

Steve: I think it's clean now, Jeremy.

Jeremy: Okay.

Steve: Ahem. You are about to witness one of the first official meetings of the Celestial Network. The response we've had has been overwhelming, so we've decided to post the entire event online, so that everyone can connect with us in what is, after all, a universal network. Now, I'm afraid Charlie couldn't be with us today, but, everything's going great, so... Well, without further ado, le-let us begin.

(Cut to Steve standing at the front of the room, with the Celestial Network members sitting around a table.)

Steve: We're, um, we're actually just waiting for one more person, so, uh, this is it.

(Sofina whispers Mandarin to another member.)

Steve: Ah, here she is.

(Meryl enters.)

Meryl: Sorry I'm late.

Steve: Good evening! Thank you all so much for attending. This is the birth of something great. A new paradigm of spiritual interaction. The Celestial Network is about love, and that's what I wanted to talk about this evening. For too long, we have let outdated notions of what it means to love rule our lives! Ubiquitous myths, peddled by religions an-and bureaucratic institutions have universal sway! The teach us that sex before marriage is wrong, that inter-faith relationships are wrong, and they preach monogamy, and-and... they give tax breaks to married couples. The powers that be have insisted on creating rules and regulations for relationships for as long as we've been having them, but these are just social constructs based on a fundamental misconception!

The self, as I understand it, is an illusion. We are all part of a glorious, universal reality. Cosmic wonders. Absolute unity. And if we can learn to transcend our egos, and open our hearts to the fact that the eye and the universe are in fact one and the same thing, then we will experience love, in its truest form. To love someone is a- a wonderful thing, but to experience true enlightenment, and realize our place as but one part of a cosmic totality, powered by love? Well, that would be something truly amazing. An-and-and that what I-I wanted t-to bring here: our journey, in the Celestial Network. Thank you.

Um, I have learnt to love from my recent experiences, and I believe that we could all learn to love each other, without guilt, without shame, without fear, and without constructs, for these are the words of the oppressors. Perhaps-

(Gavin enters.)

Gavin: The fuck is this, Steve? Is this the big sequel, is it? Huh? You've, you've seen our escape from the clutches of a maniac, well now watch as Steve battles to start his own cult!

(Gavin prods Steve in the chest.)

Steve: Gavin...

Gavin: Yeah?

Steve: You're not welcome here. (inaudible)

Gavin: Well, where's the evil mastermind behind this, eh? (Looks under the table.) Where is she, she's got to be here somewhere...

Steve: I don't understand what-

Gavin: She's... there's... Where's Kate, Steve?

Steve: Go on.

Gavin: I know you're in on- you're in on all of this too, and she's behind it... Where are... that's not her... that's not her either, where is she?

Steve: Gavin! Gavin, I'm happy to talk to you, but as you can see, we're in the middle of a meeting here-

Gavin: Shut up, Steve! Don't lie. I know you're in on it, I know you're part of this. (Balthazar moves Gavin toward the door.) Don't touch me! I know you all; you can't lie about this forever.

(Gavin leaves. Balthazar closes the door behind him and sits down.)

Steve: Sorry, everyone. If only we could reach out to people like that, people that are consumed with anger and hatred. But for now, we-we should start with ourselves. Uh, let us show the power of love. Yes? Okay. Uh, connect with me. (Everyone joins hands around the table.) Yes, that's it. Yeah. Connect with each other. Unite the universe with love!

(Gavin re-enters and laughing, takes off his jacket.)

Gavin: Big love in, is it, Steve? Well, I'll tell you what, why don't me and you just have a big love in right now? (Walks up to Steve, taking off his tie and shirt.) Just me and you! In fact, why don't we get them all involved? Why don't we?

Steve: Gavin, please-

Gavin: Why don't we have a big, cosmic gangbang, right here, right now!

Steve: Look, Kate's dead! You know that!

(Balthazar attempts to get Gavin to put his jacket back on.)

Gavin: Why don't you get involved? Why don't you get involved, sweetheart? I don't mind! Come on, take this off! (Tries to unbutton Steve's shirt.) Come on!

Steve: Gavin, Gavin!

(Meryl gets up and grabs Gavin's shirt. Balthazar pushes Gavin toward the door as he tries to take off his pants.)

Gavin: Get on the table! Get on the table, girls! It'll be a lot of fun! Why don't we all get involved? Why don't we have a big, cosmic gangbang right here, eh? (Turns to Jeremy.) Come on, mate, you can get involved too, eh? Come on, it'll be fun!